So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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