So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
