I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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