alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
two words: eviction party
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
