Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
