dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
