I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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