so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
