Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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