she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
