He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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