I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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