I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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