I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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