did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
