Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
