it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
