if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
