we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
