I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
