i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My dick has a subreddit
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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