I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
