And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
