there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
