how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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