My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
