She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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