Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
