sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
