i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
