I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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