i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
