i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
