a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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