just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
