I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
