Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
