I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Semen is not good for contacts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
