Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
two words: eviction party
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
