Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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