he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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