so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
