People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
