I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
