Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
