You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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