omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
