i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
