I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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