I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I FOUND THE LEGS
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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