peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
