please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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