i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Barsexuality is the new black.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
